Well it finally happened for me! Longtime readers will know that I’ve waited my whole life for this moment. And I think it finally happened. I MET MY SOUL MATE!! She is everything I have ever wanted. She is super pretty. She has short dark hair and a nose ring that I think gives her a great edge without being too in your face. She works at Game Stop and we hit it off immediately. Well wait. I’m getting way ahead of myself. Let me start at the beginning.
See, last month I finally moved out of Aunt Milly’s place, but I’d blown most of my cash on the first and last month’s rent, and then I had my identity stolen again, and whoever did it tried to use my social security number to take out a loan to buy a boat. It took forever to get it all straightened out. At one point I was just going to go ahead and buy the boat because how cool would that be?!!! But instead, I decided not to. Once the debt collectors stopped garnishing my wages, I was finally able to save up some scratch to buy some decent furniture for my pad.
OFF TO IKEA I WENT!
That place is the best. I ate breakfast and lunch there because get this, THEY HAVE THEIR OWN CAFETERIA! I know. I had meatballs for both meals. They were excellent. I highly recommend them. So anyway, I went a little crazy at the Ikea. There was just so much amazing stuff there, I had to have it all. I won’t even tell you how much I ended up spending, but lets just say I maxed out my credit card ;)
Anyway, the real problem started when I got out to the parking lot. Aunt Milly had lent me her car, but it’s just a two door and there was no way I was going to be able to fit all of my items in it. I got a bed, a kitchen table, a dining room table, a desk, a bookshelf, an end table, a kitchen island, all new dishes and silverware, a really lovely plant, wine glasses (awww yeah! Keeping it classy.) a recliner and a few bean bag chairs. Turns out I was only able to fit one or two items in the car at a time. I had to take a lot of it out of the box and stack the different pieces all over the car. I went back into the Ikea and asked if they could hold onto some of the stuff until I could come back later with a bigger car, but the guy I asked said no way, they were about to close and they didn’t do Sh- – like that. He wasn’t very nice.
So I just left everything I couldn’t fit in the parking lot with a note on it that said, “Please do not steal.” and I stared making trips back home. Each time I returned to the Ikea parking lot there was something missing or vandalized. Someone drew a large male penis on the face of my dining room table, which was extremely out of line. Since the round trip was two hours, it was nine in the morning when I finally got my last load in the car. I was so tired I drove over to the Dunkin Donuts to grab a coffee (Rory runs on Dunkin ya’ll) and that’s where I met Miranda. She was wearing a Bioshock Infinite T-shirt and we started talking and I have a date with her on Tuesday and I can’t wait. I’ll let you all know how it goes!!